Miss Viki and the Gringo Chump

as-isI would like to revisit a story from “Last Tangos in San José.” The story itself is what it is, a story. I was thinking about it recently and thought maybe it deserved a little more elaboration and pontificating.

The basic story was about an incident/interaction/train wreck between a local San José alcoholic hooker and a gringo, whom I shall discuss in a bit more depth here.

To briefly recap, I was sitting one night at a table with the hooker in question, “Alejandra,” who was well on her way to sloppy drunk. Alejandra was a piece of work. In her favor was the fact that she had a pretty face, a very trim figure, and she was very tiny. A lot of men REALLY love tiny women. I don’t find them UNattractive, but for me it’s a neutral thing. I am reasonably tall, and I have never had sex with a woman taller than I am, though once in a while I came close. But never mind all that. Let’s get back to Alejandra.

As far as personality goes, Alejandra was a doozy. There are happy drunks and mean drunks. Alejandra was a bipolar drunk. I had been with her when she was in a great mood and a lot of fun, even though in her manic phase she was more than a little squirrelly. In her down phases she was downright sour and mean. Enter “Rex,” the gringo protagonist in the story.

Rex was a big guy… not fat but tall and husky. He might have been around sixty or so. He reminded me of a lot of reasonably successful men who ooze self-confidence and can point to their success as evidence that their considerable feeling of self-worth as justifying this confidence.

So Rex, seeing little Alejandra, this poor, tiny, waif, selling her sweet body in a San José dive seemed like the perfect damsel in distress for Sir Rex, the Bold. So, boldly bold Sir Rex decided he was going to rescue her from her life of perdition and sweep her up on his charger and whisk her away to his stately manor and install her as the duchess of his dukedom.

The beauty of this is that he devised his rescue plan based on the results of several minutes of conversation between a drunken Costa Rican hooker who spoke no English and an older, not-particularly-handsome gringo who spoke no Spanish. Ah, but sadly, even the best laid plans don’t always succeed.

To cut the sarcasm, Rex was a major fool. It would be bad enough if Rex was a unique case, but he is far from a unique case. I saw similar, though perhaps less blatant dramas over and over. I apologize for making this point once again, but if I can save one potential chump, my mission is worth it.

Don’t be a chump. Don’t be a Rex.


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