Zombie Marriages

DSCF0849There’s a saying/joke that goes something like: If you put a quarter in a jar every time you have sex before you get married, and take a quarter OUT every time you have sex AFTER you get married, you will NEVER run out of quarters.

I never married but I have heard enough complaining from those who have to accept the general point the saying/joke makes. There are lots of reasons this can happen. Children come along, novelty wears off, husbands lose hair and grow beer guts, wives get fat, and on and on. Some lucky couples seem to escape this phenomenon but many others do not. And if YOU are the husband in such a marriage, it is easy to become disillusioned, dissatisfied, and perhaps start looking for ways to fill the void you thought marriage was supposed to fill.

The least risky option is do-it-yourself. Wonderful internet provides more erotic material daily than most men could watch in a lifetime. Self-gratification isn’t as satisfying to most in comparison with a flesh-and-blood woman, but when life gives you porn videos or whatnot, it’s an option, at least.

A much riskier option is looking for a little “on the side.” The risk of getting caught is a major drawback, of course. And it can get quite complicated. On the other hand, where would Country Music be without “Cheatin’?”

iStock_000018402458SmallI have met numerous men traveling to Costa Rica who are in zombie marriages. In quite a few cases, the wife does not mind the fact that the husband has found another outlet for his sex drive, as long as he leaves HER alone. Others are more stealthy, and rely on some sort of pretext to get the husband down here. The plus side of having your extramarital sex in Costa Rica is the fact that the neighbors aren’t likely to know and tattle. There are pretty good pretexts for visiting here ready made. There are all the outdoorsy things such as fishing and surfing and hiking. There are also casinos here to gamble in and beaches to thaw out your bones from cold northern weather.

The most likely complaint from a wife who doesn’t care is the cost, which is not really that outrageous. For wives who want a faithful husband but don’t want to have sex, there’s really no answer other than deception. I leave it up to the individual to concoct reasons to visit here. Golf, fishing, poker tournament or bird watching, whatever you think the little woman will buy.

There are reasons to keep a zombie marriage together. Family ties, social pressure, economics and things of that sort may make divorce an unpalatable option. That does NOT mean you have to accept that your sex life is over, though. If you can figure a way to come down to Costa Rica (alone), there’s no question you won’t have to do without.

May the force be with you.

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