The Chica Checklist

I got this list from a friend who titled it “Chica 101.” I have modified it only slightly to suite my “style,” such as it is.

Dead?• Always have a plentiful supply of relatives who could be sick
This serves a dual purpose. It will give the chica reasons/excuses for lateness, no shows and leaving early. But most of all, reasons to ask for money. This item is pretty much a given, as very few chicas don’t have a ton of siblings, parents, grandparents, children, cousins, aunts, uncles, ad infinitum.
• Other useful ’emergencies’ are birthdays, official baby pictures, teeth, broken tv, flooding, robberies.
These serve the same purpose as the prior item.
DSCF0193• Bond the children with the gringo if possible.
It’s much easier to get money out of a gringo for your kids (or SUPPOSEDLY for your kids) if he has met them. The more he likes them or feels sorry for them, the more you can use them to get money.
• Create doubt in the mind of the gringo about your actual schedule
This provides yet more excuses for lateness, no shows, and leaving early.
• A ongoing lesbian relationship could be an advantage
Multiple benefits here: Your lesbian lover provides excuses for flakiness as well as being yet another “family” member who can have some sort of misfortune that requires the gringo’s money. Also, you can always hint at the possibility of a threesome at some unspecified time in the future. If your lesbian lover is a butch (almost always) don’t let him see her.
!1058• Never admit to the gringo the existence of a boyfriend no matter what.
You could lose a customer/client/benefactor. This is especially true for those doing the “novia” routine. But even a straight out pay for service girl is better off not telling her gringo about a boyfriend. The gringo may not mind giving money to YOU, but the idea it’s going to another man really upsets a lot of gringos.
• A loan from the gringo is to be treated as a gift or grant.
This is just the way it is. If he thinks he’ll be repaid he is obviously a newbie or delusional. If you DO decide to repay a loan, even a tiny one, the gringo will be VERY impressed and tell everyone how righteous and honest you are. Your call.
• Although it is difficult to ‘act’ grateful even for a minute, your gringo will be overly pleased if can show a little gratitude.
Don’t worry too much about this one, gringos seem to tolerate ingratitude as long as you’re hot looking.
• If your gringo is seems to be losing interest or is seeing other chicas, consider which of your friends he should be introduced to.
This won’t help you directly, but your friends may very well return the favor when their client starts to get bored.

More could be added but I think you get the point. By the way, my books are still available and I would appreciate it if some of my readers would plunk down a little money for one (or all) of them. If you have already bought and read one, I’d appreciate a review on Amazon. Thanks and see you next time.

 

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