Go Big (Expensive) or Go Home

So many cliches, so little time. Another title that I considered was an old saying from the WW2 era military: You never know where you’re going till you get there. This story is hot off the presses, as the end of the story happened only an hour or so ago. But let’s begin at the beginning.

I haven’t been going out too much lately, mostly because I don’t like how crummy I feel when I drink and stay out late. But I got cabin fever last Thursday night and decided to go out for an hour or so. The hour or so part wasn’t something I was totally locked into, because I know myself well enough that once I go out, I am reluctant to go home if there’s anybody to talk to or a few girls to look at.

So I started out at Harry’s Poás Bar, and had a drink or two and exchanged some gossip with a friend. It was pretty quiet there and my friend was tired and was going to go home, so I had to decide if I wanted to go home, sit and drink alone, or change venues. I went with the last option and headed over to Papi’s down the avenue from the Del Rey. It was medium busy and there were a few people I knew there, including a handful of working girls and some ‘civilian’ girls, or at least possibly non pro.

I had a nice chat with one of the former Park Hotel girls about this and that. She wants to help me with my ‘novel/biography’ I am working on (more on that later). She speaks fair English and though we haven’t done any work yet I am certain she has some stories to tell. As it has become known among ‘the girls’ that I’m working on a book, I find that most are eager to share their experiences with me. They don’t want me to mention their names, but they want to tell their stories, and I am more than happy to hear them.

At any rate, I happened to notice a couple of attractive girls sitting a few seats away, and they were in that ‘gray’ area where I was unsure if they were working or not. It never hurts to smile at someone, and as I got smiles back, I went over and struck up a conversation with them.

I found out that they were cousins, originally from Limon, who lived together in Guadalupe. One was a bit taller and thicker, though not bad, and spoke fair English. The other was cuter but not quite as talkative. In any case all three of us seemed to hit it off well enough and they seemed to be interested in me, though in exactly what capacity I was unsure. I didn’t get the hard sell, but they both took my phone number and promised to call me at home so I could get their numbers, and the general idea was that I would invite them to lunch and we’d see what came of that. Neither one of them had a job or children, though they were certainly old enough for one or both. I was hoping one or both would call me, but I wasn’t going to be stunned if they didn’t. Barroom promises late in the evening aren’t the most concrete things in the world, and if it’s a Tica, subtract at least half of the solidity.

So as I sat around Saturday, relaxing, I was pleasantly surprised to get a phone call from cousin #1, whom I will call Jennifer. She gave me her # and I told her I would call her and see if she wanted to go to lunch the following week. She seemed pleased and that we said “ciao.” A couple of hours later I got a call from the 2nd cousin, and we had about the same conversation, with the idea that maybe Monday we’d all go to lunch and I might invite a friend along.

So Sunday I decided to call #1 and ask if she and her cousin would be interested in lunch on Monday, and she said yes. We set up a time and place to meet, and I told her she should call me to confirm Monday or I’d call her. Monday came around and she called me first, and I said yeah, we were still on for lunch. I had called up a couple of friends and said that lunch was possible and I’d let them know, and now that things were confirmed, I called them both and we were all set, more or less.

I got a tiny bit behind schedule and when I got there, my friends were sitting with two girls. My first thought was ‘uh oh, these aren’t the right girls’ but it turned out that one of the cousins didn’t come for a reason I never asked about, and she had brought another friend that I had seen around the gulch before. So what the heck, she was nice looking too and we had a drink there before going to eat. I suggested an inexpensive place and they said they didn’t like it. I asked what the wanted, and girl 2 (the new one) wanted pizza. Okay by me. The girl from Thursday named a place that rang a bell but I didn’t quite connect the dots. We walked down the hill and turned left. When I realized where they were headed, I said to them I’d rather not eat there because it was overpriced (which it is).

Whatever reaction I expected, what I got definitely caught me by surprise. The cousin scowled, turned up her nose, turned around, and walked off in a huff. The other girl gave me a semi-apologetic look and went off after her friend. My two friends and I just looked at each other in disbelief. She didn’t even bother to try to change my mind. My reluctance to overpay for food was a deal breaker for this girl with no job. It came back to me that she had insisted on overpriced tequila at the bar on Thursday. It made sense. If I judged her by her looks, she judged me by how much of a spendthrift I was. Well, she wasn’t all THAT, and even if she was, I am not going to hemorrhage money in anybody’s direction. I don’t have that kind of money, and I don’t have that kind of personality.

I will admit to being surprised. My surprise turned to amusement when I thought about it. And I consoled myself with the fact that I not only had dozens (literally) of other girls I could call for company, but that I also saved myself the price of lunch for the primadona and her friend!

NEXT!!!

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Comments

  1. Hello Tom and greetings to all from Alliston, Ontario!

    It's too bad that, IMO, after living seven years in SJ that you don't seem to "get it"!

    IMO, in an area where there is such an intensively concentrated culture of paid sex(along with the accompanying "Sex Tourists" and "Sexpats") you, in your articles, seem to, perpetually, suffer from "righteous indignation" at the way the local female population(both sex workers and "normal" girls/women) interact with you!

    Please, for your own good, "wake up and smell the coffee"…so to speak!

    In other words, again IMO, when you and the other single males choose, of your own free will, to live in an environment where, in general, everything has a "price tag" attached to it and a male person's "value" is measured solely by how much money he will spend(usually either on sex, gifts or both)!

    It's my opinion that if one chooses to live the "downtown San Jose gringo" lifestyle(defined as a person spending much of the day going from bar to bar with the hope of chatting up with other like-minded older/old single males and is, usually, on the "look-out" for paid sexual opportunities) with, too often, its accompanying boredom.

    Hey Tom(or guys)…YOU made the choice to live a what, IMO, most "normal" society(not me, entirely, however) considers to be a pathetic, pointless and unproductive lifestyle so PLEASE don't complain(or whine) that you "get no respect"(R. Dangerfield) from the SJ police(past articles with different people) and the local female population!

    IMO…just "face it"…it "goes with the territory!"

    BUT…PLEASE…at least be honest with yourself(yourselves)…, that, generally, when one chooses to enter a "drinking, gambling, wh**ing"(any/all) lifestyle, especially in a foreign country, "you do so at your own risk!".

    Hey…Tom, guys, or both, I don't "set myself on a pedestal" over you…I like the convenience and, relatively, cost effectiveness of sex in SJ just as well as you do…possibly more…BUT, the BIG difference between me and, IMO, many of you, is that I am smart enough to realize that, in many situations, there are consequences to endure that go along with it…like being mistreated by the local female population and/or the police…even in "non-paid sex" related situations!

    Cheers!

    p.s. – Now you are all free to "call me names" but you will have a tough time disputing my logic!

    • Thomas O'Brien says:

      Hi Lexp,

      I really don't see any 'righteous indignation' in my writing. Perpetually? Give me some examples and I can respond. Otherwise, your speculation as to my state of mind are based on your own perception and nothing more.

      I presume you are NOT of this subculture, but seem to think you know all about it, more than I do. You'd have to convince me you know anything before I take your word for that. You make a lot of assumptions about my life and the life of others here. Once again, I'd have to have some evidence that you actually have some experience to go with your conclusions.

      Feel free to consider my lifestyle "pathetic, pointless and unproductive" if you actually believe that, and aren't hiding behind what "normal" society thinks. I dare YOU to tell me about your non-pathetic, meaningful and productive lifestyle and give me a chance to criticize it. Seems only fair.

      I am not whining, though apparently anything negative sounds like whining to you. I accept the bad here along with the good. This particular story isn't any lament over the fact that the girl in question was overly mercenary. It was meant as a humorous anecdote.

      But you are wrong if you think it's "all about the money" because it is not. Money is part of the story, and a necessary part, but it is NOT the only thing. If you were as wise as you pretend to be, you would know that.

      But you seem very confident that you know the score, and don't need my advice.

      Live long and prosper.

  2. What Lexp seems to forget is that the varieties of p4p is vast. That we were measuring their looks and they our pocket books is a given. 
    What happened to Tom was about the principal quality we should be looking for a bed mate and that is her attitude. While the hunt and the personalities of the women factor in they all have to add up to this bottom line. Am I going to have a good time. Otherwise as Tom’s motto says ‘Next’.

  3. You are a wiseman

  4. CaliDave says:

    I think that like in all groups, ther's some sour apples in the barrel soemtimes. And I think that Tom was pointing it out. Usually, not always, I think that if you treat the women well, they'll treat you pretty good too. It's the same with woman, or just people, everywhere, regardless if it's mongering or not. Because we're from the USA, we're not saviors to all. And that's fine, that's life. I think it was a fine article. I love going to CR and meeting the variety of women. In fact, I'll be back in a month. Thanks for the story again.

  5. Hello Tom!

    Thank you for your reply written in a civil manner and please, not for one minute, believe I "think I am better than you are"(or, for that matter, ANY sex tourists/"sexpats" that live in/visit SJ).

    Sometimes I get too "wordy" and my point is not clear so let me clarify what I mean first then respond to you

    – IMO(and it is ALWAYS my opinion), is that if one travels to San Jose for any period of time for the purpose of engaging in paid sexual activities, said person, in general, is "looked down upon" by Costa Ricans as an exploiter of a trade(sex) that most of the "mainstream" citizenry know exists, appreciates the money it brings in, but is not proud of it.(I've even seen adverts for accommodations for flats/rooms that state that "if you are traveling to CR for the sex trade, we don't want you here!").

    You – I really don't see any 'righteous indignation' in my writing. Perpetually? Give me some examples and I can respond. Otherwise, your speculation as to my state of mind are based on your own perception and nothing more.

    Me – Then are you writing "tongue in cheek" and PRETEND to be surprised and, on occasion, offended at some of the bad treatment you receive from the WGs(working girls)?

    This is what I "read into" your articles so correct me to that you should not be taken seriously!

    You – I presume you are NOT of this subculture, but seem to think you know all about it, more than I do. You'd have to convince me you know anything before I take your word for that. You make a lot of assumptions about my life and the life of others here. Once again, I'd have to have some evidence that you actually have some experience to go with your conclusions.

    Me – I don't live in SJ but have visited there for every year for the last five years for a month at a time.

    You – Feel free to consider my lifestyle "pathetic, pointless and unproductive" if you actually believe that, and aren't hiding behind what "normal" society thinks. I dare YOU to tell me about your non-pathetic, meaningful and productive lifestyle and give me a chance to criticize it. Seems only fair.

    Me – Do you REALLY think that spending a great deal of one's day wondering around the streets of SJ
    going from one place to another often looking for paid sex is a "normal" lifestyle?

    I'd love you to go on the our Canadian lecture circuit and argue that one…even as liberal as Canada
    is…I dunno!

    I travel to SJ because of the convenience/cost of sex and to get away from the Canadian winter for
    as long as my job's holiday time will allow me.

    You – I am not whining, though apparently anything negative sounds like whining to you. I accept the bad here along with the good. This particular story isn't any lament over the fact that the girl in question was overly mercenary. It was meant as a humorous anecdote.

    Me – OK, then,… point well taken…I won't take you as seriously in the future!

    You – But you are wrong if you think it's "all about the money" because it is not. Money is part of the story, and a necessary part, but it is NOT the only thing. If you were as wise as you pretend to be, you would know that.

    Me – I agree with you but try to argue that with the WGs!

    You – But you seem very confident that you know the score, and don't need my advice.

    Me – Not true…I always appreciate and take good advice!

    You – Live long and prosper.

    Me – Thank you!

    LAST WORD – Advice to all… If one travels to SJ to partake in the sex trade don't expect to be treated respectfully by "mainstream"(i.e. not involved with the sex trade) citizens(the police, average people on the street, etc.) and don't be surprised by this!

    • Thomas O'Brien says:

      Lexp,

      Thanks for your response to my response. After I wrote that response I reread your comment and realized you do indeed have 'on the ground' experience here and I regretted implying you had nothing to base your comments on.

      This particular post, and many before it, are intended to be humorous, lightly humorous in this case. I don't mind making myself the butt of a small joke, though I let Clyde do that as a sacrificial lamb for all the misguided mongers in the world. By the way, it never ceases to surprise me how many people think that I am Clyde, or that he exists, or want to know where Bob's Canadian Bar is located. IT'S FICTION, PEOPLE!

      Two more things. All working girls are NOT alike. They are NOT equally mercenary and they do NOT all perform the same for ALL clients. When I encounter one who us unusually greedy or dishonest, I reserve the right to be surprised and write about it. This doesn't mean I am naive. If you came across a hundred dollar bill in the street, you would be surprised, but it isn't because you don't know there are such things in the world. If you were shopping and a total stranger came up and started shouting at you, you would be surprised, but not because you thought there were no crazy people in the world. I am more than aware of the depths and heights which humans, and WGs in particular, can reach. I write about the unusual because writing about the usual is boring.

      Lastly, your experience as a one month, once a year visitor is unlikely to be like mine as a 7 plus year resident. I have WG friends who are wonderful human beings. I have also met scum of the Earth types that I avoid like the plague. I have spent a fair amount of time in Canada, and most of my life in the USA, and I can say the same thing about people there. North American girls are no more or less evil than the girls here. They DO tend to be more financially stable, but I really don't believe that you are never surprised when some girl turns out to be a monster or exceptionally kind.

      I would be interested, seriously, in what your typical vacation here is like: Where you stay, where you find 'company,' if you speak Spanish, what you do when you are not with a WG. I don't want this info to criticize, but rather to see where you are coming from. A guy (not implying it is you) who books a room at the Del Rey for a month and never leaves the premises will have a much different perspective than one staying at the Nuevo Johnson and spending his money on Calle 6.

      Esuran put it very nicely and I agree with his comment. There is a lot of variety here. All girls are not the same. Anyone who decides in advance that they ARE all the same will probably find his decision confirmed because he won't bother paying attention to anything other than physical appearance. There are guys who live here who are very cynical and misogynist and for them, any girl that would do them is by definition a dirty Wh*r*.

      Enough for now. I should save my rants for blog posts. Best wishes, Lexp.

      • Hello TO, and all that have been following our printed conversation.

        TO – I would be interested, seriously, in what your typical vacation here is like: Where you stay, where you find 'company,' if you speak Spanish, what you do when you are not with a WG. I don't want this info to criticize, but rather to see where you are coming from. A guy (not implying it is you) who books a room at the Del Rey for a month and never leaves the premises will have a much different perspective than one staying at the Nuevo Johnson and spending his money on Calle 6.

        Me – I stay at the same "self-contained", all inclusive, private flat that I have been staying at for the
        last five years.

        It is an "in-law" flat for the other eleven months of the year as the renter has his wife's parents
        live there but they spend the month I'm there at the Pacific coast where his father-in-law enjoys
        surf fishing. I have an "exclusive deal"…no one else rents the place.

        I would estimate my Spanish is at a beginner level as I get no practise unless I'm in San Jose…
        as I assume it would be better than this after five years.

        I'm considered like "one of the family" by my Costa Rican hosts so we are always doing things
        together(driving around in their car, shopping, visiting sights, invite me for dinner, etc.)…lots of
        fun! At the other times I walk, surf the Internet and watch Spanish TV…to improve my Spanish.

        As far a my "predatory sex side", which occupies about 10%, +/-, of my non-sleeping time,
        my only sex venue is the Key Largo(I return with my "company" through my private entrance).

        My "family" is well aware of this but we have a "don't ask…don't tell" unspoken agreement
        between ourselves…as long as I(and my "company") is respectfully quiet and clean…no
        issues are forthcoming

        Last word – since I mix with the general population…using my "family" and their contacts/connections to introduce me, I am appalled at the general horrible opinion most of the Costa Rican people I meet have about sex tourists/"sexpats"!

        I, thankfully, because I don't "make the rounds", continually/frequently of the bars/paid sex venues of San Jose benefit by "staying under the radar" from what I have learned from the "policia" contacts of my family.

        As for myself…I don't think I could be comfortable living(or visiting, for that matter!) an area where I was thought so little of so I wish you all the best of luck in the continuance of your activities!

        • Thomas O'Brien says:

          Lexp,

          I guess you must have come late to this blog, since I have said countless times that I have lived in downtown San Jose for six plus years. I have been in the same apartment for over 5 of those years. Sex does not occupy even as much of my time as it does yours, though I suspect it would if I were younger.

          I have not encountered noticeable hostility to me by the locals, but I am not a drunk who wanders around in Bermuda shorts, thongs and a Hawaiian shirt all day propositioning every nice looking female I meet. I have spent a fair amount of time in the less-affluent areas of town and other than a couple of landlords, I don't know many well off Ticos. They have no desire to bring me into their social circle and I hold no grudge for that. The Ticos and Ticas I know tend to be poorer, and they are among the majority down here. The Ticos/Ticas I see socially are generally friendly and accepting of me, and they all know I am a 'monger' because the reason I know them at all is through a WG. I have no stats to quote but among the poorer half of this country, I think it is rare when there isn't at least one WG in the extended family, or a neighbor or friend. In the lower income class, WGs are not pariahs as they are in the States.

          The sex tourists that are blatant down here are a bit of an embarrassment to some of us expats, but it's not really any concern of mine. The 'ugly American' is everywhere, and they aren't all sex tourists. I'd say the large majority are not.

          Anyway Lexp, I encourage you to read some of the older posts, where I have given many examples of things that have happened to me and my opinions, assuming you have the time and interest.

          • OK…please clarify, Mr. TO.

            TO – I guess you must have come late to this blog, since I have said countless times that I have lived in downtown San Jose for six plus years. I have been in the same apartment for over 5 of those years. Sex does not occupy even as much of my time as it does yours, though I suspect it would if I were younger.

            Me – No…you're incorrect…I "got" it after the first time I read it months ago…you've lived in San Jose for, almost, seven years…it's not "rocket science", 'ya know!

            I'll "buy" your statement about the time you are involved in sex as I know that you MUST mean this is the time you spend HAVING sex does not occupy 10% of your time BUTTTTT the actual time you must spend going out, making the rounds, chatting up directly/indirectly about sex HAS TO, if your writings are to be believed at all, exceed 10% of your free time by a fair amount, IMO!

            TO – "and they all know I am a 'monger' because the reason I know them at all is through a WG"

            Me – IMO, a pretty sad legacy to leave…a life where social interaction is built around prostitution…for anyone!

            What's even more pathetic is that many of the "sexpats" I've met in San Jose, after living their lifestyle for some time, admitted to me that they have chosen a life of "self-imposed exile" from the people/family they knew back in their native countries!

            Alienation, sometimes alcoholism, frequent bouts of boredom and isolation(except for their like "sex-minded" bar buddies) all in the name of conveniently available pu**y!

            Glad I have something to go back to here in Ontario that I'm not considered on the same level as a "dirty old/older man"!

            Cheers!
            "

          • Thomas O'Brien says:

            Lexp, Once again I must apologize for misreading your post. You were quoting me asking you what hotel you stayed at and I thought you were asking me, not vice versa.

            You once again make a lot of assumptions about my life and lifestyle. I average going out less than once a week. There was a time I did a lot more than I do now, which is the basis of the blog. I also listen to others and relay their stories.

            I don't know what you do in Ontario the 11 months you aren't down here mongering. Perhaps you are close to developing a cure for cancer or creating an immortality serum. I have no idea. It is obvious you feel superior to the rest of us. That is your privilege.

            But in one respect we are all equal, great scientists and working girls alike. To quote Memphis Slim… "Don't care how great you are, don't care what you're worth. When it all is up, you got to go back to Mother Earth." Unless, of course, you finally perfect that immortality serum.

          • OK, again, no arguments from myself!

            TO – You once again make a lot of assumptions about my life and lifestyle. I average going out less than once a week. There was a time I did a lot more than I do now, which is the basis of the blog. I also listen to others and relay their stories.

            Me – OK, BUT you must admit that, between your writings and your mercenarial offers to show novice "gringos" around the sex venues of San Jose,…this would lead one to believe, IMO, that you spend a good part of your free time "chasing pu**y, one way or the other…agreed?

            I guess it is believable that you have your contacts established by now from 6+ years of dedicated "mongering"(your phase…not mine) and now you can state that you have "chased pu**y" and don't put that much time into it!

            TO – I don't know what you do in Ontario the 11 months you aren't down here mongering. Perhaps you are close to developing a cure for cancer or creating an immortality serum. I have no idea. It is obvious you feel superior to the rest of us. That is your privilege.

            Me – now you're writing like a spoilt child…totally not keeping in character with the type of person I believe you are and below the usual standard of your writing!

            "Mongering" at ANY level, IMO, is not considered to be a, generally, acceptable lifestyle(in my society which, IMO, is more liberal than yours in the US) so I don't purposely don't mention I do this when I interact with people at my company(I work as a office manager for a large Canadian trucking company…it's what I do for the "the 11 months") or who I know.

            The way my society, IMO, treats "mongers" reminds me of the treatment ex-porn actors(or they and/or the immediate families of current porn actors) receive if their past(or current occupation) is discovered…with disdain and revulsion(lose jobs, forced to move from where they live, harassed/threatened), etc.)

            I don't, in any way, agree with this treatment but it goes to show you how some lifestyles generate rage and the desire for vengeance!

            It's a real human culture tragedy, IMO, that too many people despise individuals who "take the easy way out"(the vigilantes' words…not mine) and choose to spend a good part of their lives around paid sexual activities!

            Cheers!

            But in one respect we are all equal, great scientists and working girls alike. To quote Memphis Slim… "Don't care how great you are, don't care what you're worth. When it all is up, you got to go back to Mother Earth." Unless, of course, you finally perfect that immortality serum.

          • Thomas O'Brien says:

            Lexp, I think we've beaten this to death. I don't argue with the fact that being friends and clients of prostitutes is socially unacceptable in many circles. We can agree on that, and I can say that I don't worry about it. I don't tell EVERYBODY in my life every detail about what I do and have done here, not because I am ashamed but there is no point in offending people I know who happen to be judgmental on this topic.

            I don't feel compelled to tell everybody every detail of my personal life. I feel no guilt about what I do. I also see no point in stirring up hostility among people I know who would take offense at how I live my life. I am neither ashamed nor proud of what I do. I do what I do and I am fine with it. If Jerry Falwell doesn't approve, I don't care. If Laura Chinchilla and Pope Benedict don't approve, I also don't care. I don't know of anybody who would be immune from disapproval of at least SOME people. Nobody can please everyone. I don't try. I value Larry Flint's opinion more than Rick Santorum's, but in the end I am my own judge. Anybody can judge me if they want to but I don't have to buy into their judgement.

            I feel sorry for people who are so afraid of 'society's' disapproval that they can't live the life they really want to, assuming they are doing no harm. I do no harm that I can see, and I feel no guilt. You may have the last word if you so desire. I'm done.

          • I'm done also…at least you and I both can agree that we've "beaten this conversation to death"!

            Hey…just a thought…when I arrive in SJ for my yearly "sabbatical" we can arrange to meet at the Blue Marlin Bar of the Hotel Del Rey and continue our "spirited debate" until we end up in a physical altercation!

            How 'bout that…getting thrown out of the bar…for fighting…what an honour! LOL!

            In all seriousness, thank you for your insightful writing as I enjoy reading your articles very much!

            Stay well!

            Cheers!

  6. O'Brien said: "There are guys who live here who are very cynical and misogynist and for them, any girl that would do them is by definition a dirty Wh*r*."

    LOL! I actually met a guy exactly as you describe. I was outside a well known establishment in the gulch and this dude was selling male enhancements to any/all interested parties. He clearly had a bit of liquor in him and to be friendly I engaged him in some small talk. He said, "All of these women coming in and out of here are filthy disgusting sluts. They're all garbage, every single one of them. I hate these c*cksuckers" I found his words strange for a man who made his living in CR selling "vitamins" to men that participate in the monger lifestyle.

  7. Thomas O'Brien says:

    Post script on the original story. I ran into the 'friend' of the cousin and she apologized profusely for the behavior of her friend. She said she was very embarrassed and would never go out with her again. She took my phone # but I don't really expect a call. I won't be surprised to run into her again though, and we're on friendly terms. I don't think the 'cousin' would speak to me and it won't bother me at all if she doesn't.

  8. Tom… you "do no harm"? Whoremongering doesn't do any harm? Really? Without demand, there would be no need for a supply. Just own it, brother. Sounds like you're in denial. Admit that you're using women – yes, they're using you, but you're not being penetrated.

  9. Future Monger says:

    Is it wrong for 2 people to use each other while being fully aware of it? Having trouble seeing the downside, if any.