The “Good Girl” Myth

A friend of mine has the unenviable job of trying to sell real estate here. He spends a lot of time showing properties to people who are relatively ignorant of the country and who expect to find penthouses for shotgun shack prices. He recently showed a nice condo downtown, a rarity in itself, to a fellow from Florida. He wasn’t interested because prices are lower in Florida. But they chatted for a while and the subject of women came up. The Floridian (in his mid 40s) had to cut short his real estate looking because he had a date.

His date wasn’t with a working girl, though. He wasn’t interested in THAT type of girl. He wanted a ‘nice’ girl, a ‘good’ girl. So what he had done was he went to a dating agency (there are plenty) where the gentleman paid $75 to the agency just to meet this girl. And who was this girl? Well, a “good” girl, he was certain. Uh… yeah.

There are two separate issues here. Issue number one is simply, how does he KNOW she’s not a prostitute? Because the guy at the agency said so? Because her profile says she works as a secretary or something? I don’t mean to imply that the women of this country are all prostitutes, not at all. The professionals make up only a tiny fraction of all the women in this lovely country. But having a little familiarity with some of the ‘dating’ sites here in the San Jose area, there are definitely some known pros that can be found among the profiles if you know lots of working girls and take the time to browse a little. Are they all pros? I doubt it. Are they all “good” girls? To put it simply… no.

The second issue is the question of just what exactly constitutes a “good” girl? Is it so simple that any woman who doesn’t accept money in exchange for sex is automatically a “good” girl? Give me a BUH-REAK! You have to have lived in a cave since childhood if you haven’t known some thoroughly evil and rotten women who never took a dime for sex. I don’t think Casey Anthony or Leona Helmsley were hookers, but I wouldn’t call them “good girls.” There’s something in the minds of an awful lot of men that judges a woman’s virtue primarily by whether or not she is “easy.” It’s a traditional view, the kind of view that you’d find in the remotest valleys of Afghanistan among the goat herders. It’s also the kind of view you’ll find almost everywhere else in this world where men can be found.

I wouldn’t try to argue that you have a better chance of finding a “good” girl among those that hang around in the Del Rey or work in the assorted pay for play venues in Costa Rica. I know a few that are the scum of the earth. I also happen to know a few who are honest and caring to a fault. Are they the rule? No, they are not. But in my years spent getting to know many many girls who offer their bodies for rent, I am pretty much convinced that there isn’t all that much difference between the honesty and of the working girls and the honesty of non-pros who are of similar economic and cultural backgrounds.

But the point is not that professionals are good people and non-pros are bad, not at all. There are ladies who choose the profession because (for them) it’s easy money and gives them the opportunity to steal and scam. There are others who live ‘the life’ because it’s the most logical way for them to support themselves and their almost obligatory three to five fatherless kids.

There are 2 basic reasons a woman is a sex worker: Economics and Enjoyment of the Lifestyle. Let’s look at #2 first. The “Lifestyle” has many appealing aspects, especially to single mothers. Hours are flexible, and substance use and abuse are tolerated (even encouraged by some mongers I know). There are also those who enjoy the sex part, at times, anyway.

The “Economic” side of the business is generally more compelling. Whether it be a Del Rey Barbie who owns her own house and car and whose favorite pastime is shopping (especially when a ‘boyfriend’ is paying) or an over-the-hill grandmother with no education or work experience trying to scrape enough together to pay the $100 a month rent of her hovel and enough rice and beans to avoid starvation, economics is the major motivation, when it all comes down to it.

I have mentioned before that I am working on a ‘biography’ of sorts of one of the local prostitutes. I have only shared a few of the stories she has told me, but let me assure you, her life has seen more drugs, sex and violence than most of us could ever imagine. Everybody in this world carries a little baggage, but really, do you want to intertwine your life with somebody who has three moving vans full of baggage?

I meet and talk to guys all the time who are looking to settle down with a “nice” Latina. Well, that’s not impossible. But what they lack, more than anything, is a sense of realism about things. They want to believe that Latinas just love gringos because we are from a superior culture (USA NUMBER ONE!!!!). Ask Jack T. (for Typical) Shmoe what he wants he’ll tell you a pretty girl, educated, with a job and no kids. There are a few of those in existence here. Why they would want Jack is a question he can’t answer very well. I knew a cute young Brazilian girl who wanted to marry a gringo. She was from a good family, spoke English well and had a job. The only problem was that the gringo she wanted to marry was Jon Bon Jovi. Jon, if you are reading this, I think I still have her email addy somewhere. If you aren’t Jon, never mind.

I know several guys who have met and settled down with “nice” girls, and some of these relationships seem to be working. As a rule of the thumb, the bigger the age difference, the bigger the economic difference. Even “nice” girls can be mercenary. If you don’t believe that… well, there’s probably no hope for you. Sorry to be the first to tell you.

So what am I trying to say? What’s the point? Well, it’s been said a zillion and a half times before, but some guys either haven’t heard it said, or refuse to believe it, but here it is anyway: The most expensive sex you’ll ever have is free. Kinda like they used to say about heroin… the first one’s always free. After that, lotsa luck.

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  1. NegroNinja says:

    This is so on the money! im at a loss for words! Exact and True!

  2. P.J.kirkhorn says:

    A wise man onece said,i don't pay for sex i pay for them to leave after sex.I'm one of these type of men,but if you need to be mothered,or need a social life around a women,you better find someone close to your age maybe a little fat that
    only wants sex when you please her,or if you have a god that you believe will send you to hell for haveing a good time,you won't find it in a young beautiful women anywhere in the world,stay home.

  3. Again, more mixed messages.

  4. i am not ugly ..but i realized long ago that if i wanted a pretty girl or even a hot girl it would take some in the process of taking what i could get the not so lovely turned out to be more stress full than just paying for it from a pretty girl for the aspect of breaking the law in the states.

    one old guy gave me a good statement when i was younger.."one way or another you pay "..a woman will either nail you down to marry you for what you can make..or nail you for what you have made.

  5. Buddygoodness says:

    Haha, this article is spot on. Rarely do you find a nice girl who is also attractive. If you do they have tons of baggage or are absolutely certified crazy.

  6. There is so much insight in what Tom writes, as you can apply to where ever you live. Being from outside of Chicago, things arent much different here. I meet (nice girls) I want to be bad, or bad girls I want to be good. I guess I am looking for someone interested in me. I have been divorced for 23 years now and have had several relationships along the way, and many women in between. A guy in a band told me once, (you can ask 10 women to fuck, 9 will slap you and one will fuck you) the point is you just need to try. I would like to meet someone to share my life with, but cant complain about all the "bad girl " experiences along the way. I like the Latina look, so if I meet all bad girls, I probably had fun, one good girl, that would mean less variety but will probably have fun too.

  7. I married a Latina, and I can tell you its not a myth. They really are mostly nicer than Americanized girls and often have stronger family values. Of course, if you want some young girl but you're old, fat and ugly and have a tiny penis, you can expect to have to make up for it in some other way…..obviously you have to bring SOME thing to the table. Luckily I have none of those deficiencies and have always had Latinas falling all over my dick…..nice ones at that.

    • Thomas O'Brien says:

      GSP, best of luck to you. There are certainly wonderful Latinas and even wonderful gringas. I hope your honeymoon lasts forever. If by some horrible turn of events your relationship goes sour at some point, perhaps the above article will make more sense to you.

  8. SMH… what about a pretty, smart, stable, financially independent professional woman in the States? She's left wondering where all the men went. They're all in 3rd-world countries for the GFE, rationalizing that "no matter what, you pay for sex". What self-respecting woman needs that attitude? When you bring something to the table other than your dick, you don't have to pay, and you are met halfway by someone equipped to be a partner. I have found it, and it's there if you want to put in the effort. That said, many women in the States today (including some of my gal's friends and my sister's friends) have the same screw-'em-&-leave-'em outlook that the guys do – they're not after your money or your company, all they want is a night of fun. They can buy their own drinks, they have their own car, THEY DON'T NEED YOU. Maybe that's the dirty little secret…it's not the sex, or the money…it's the CONTROL. At least own it., guys. I guess I don't want to be seen as a walking wallet.

  9. I am a walking wallett and I can understand the feeling.However I am surfing. U just have to be like Mr. Mark Twain. rkg