Anatomy of a Hobby(ist)

One sad fact of the male condition, not counting freaks of nature (or otherwise) is that we reach our sexual peak at the age of eighteen. From then on the decline sets in, so they say. This doesn’t mean that we males lose interest in sex, just that in terms of peak hormone and sperm production, it’s all downhill.

But we’re only talking of physical things here in their most basic form. I suppose there are some whose sex life peaked at 18 but mine certainly didn’t. My body may have been ready to do the wild thing all day and all night but my life situation was anything but full of opportunity. I was, shall we say, a late bloomer? It wasn’t until between about 25 and 35 that I was able to get my social life and my sex drive into some kind of harmony, to the extent that my social skills and situation provided a fair quantity of erotic ‘adventures’ or whatever you prefer to call them.

For many if not most of us the slide down is long and very gradual. In almost all cases you really can’t separate your life situation from your sex drive. A guy who married at the age of 25 may see his interest decline simply because his wife or girlfriend has gotten to be ‘old hat’ after a few years of the same old same old (or a few months, weeks… I have a short attention span, myself).

The famous ‘Seven Year Itch’ has its basis in human nature, if we are to believe some studies done by psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists and that lot. I won’t go into all the details but studies show that (statistically) the frequency of sex in marriage diminishes the longer a couple is married. Yeah, there are exceptions, but they are exceptions, not the common experience of most couples. So it’s no wonder that even the most torrid love affairs cool with time. Sadly, it’s seldom a simultaneous fade out for both partners. I hear lots of stories about how ‘my wife lost interest in sex’ and a similar number of cases where hubby (or boyfriend) developed (or never lost) wandering eyes that turned into something rather more substantial.

But to return to the main point here (there was one?), the male libido tends to decrease with age. It’s not something most men are happy about. In this writer’s opinion, it’s one of the reasons we hobbyists become hobbyists. Groucho Marx once said “You’re only as old as the women you feel.” I don’t know anybody past their 20s who really WANTS to age, unless perhaps there is a trust fund waiting to kick in at the age of 30. Personally, I would have been just fine with my 26 year old body staying as it was till the grim reaper came for me at some ripe old age. But that’s not how it works.

Even if our libidos didn’t fade we’d still have a problem because our opportunities tend to grow fewer, or if not fewer, they tend to grow more wrinkled and fatter. As I mentioned in my previous article, Social Media and the Single Gringo, I have gotten back in touch with several women from my youth… 20s and 30s, and though they weren’t all that interested in me then (when they were hot), but now see me as a potential partner. Even if I thought I we would get along well, I can’t see myself being able to work up enthusiasm (or a woody) for them. It’s not just them either, I can recall that in my teens I was aroused by almost anything and in my later youth I was not only able but eager to (try to) get women in bed who couldn’t excite me now with a winning lottery ticket. (And not just some scratch off, I’m talking Powerball here!)

So… seems so bleak, doesn’t it? We get older, it gets progressively more difficult to be aroused while our physical sex appeal fades… no hope on the horizon? Ah… WRONG, GRASSHOPPER!

If you ask any fellow ‘hobbyist’ why he is a ‘hobbyist’ you’ll get plenty of different answers and a lot of overlap. But one thing we share is our desire for some type of sex that is otherwise unavailable to us. It may be as simple as just having no other options, that is, nobody who will do you for free. Or it may be that you are of the ‘you pay them to leave’ school… you don’t want any entanglements. Or maybe you do have some non-pay options, but you want a type of girl or experience you don’t have available to you. What I am finding as I age is that I am requiring chicas who are sexier looking (to my eyes) than I did even a few years back in order to get both… shall we say… enthused and satisfied.

But therein lies the beauty of the hobby. It it always easy to find a physically attractive woman, at least in Costa Rica. The one problem I run into is to find those who are both sufficiently appealing AND… this is the tricky part… find one who actually can convince me she’s enjoying herself with me. So I’m looking for a pretty woman who actually finds ME somewhat appealing OR a pretty woman who is a very good actress. I think it was the movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ where Meg Ryan (I think) did a fake orgasm in a restaurant to demonstrate how women can fake it. Well, all women aren’t quite as good as Meg Ryan, though honestly, if I had a working girl get that vocal, I’d be dead certain she was faking it. But if it’s believable, I’m not going to spend nights staying awake wondering if it was real or not. And to some mongers, lucky ones to my eyes, they don’t even care if the chica they are with is enjoying herself or not, in which case it’s simply a case of choosing one who performs the required procedures, whatever those may be.

In summation, your honors, our hobby is perfectly understandable. It isn’t the perfect lifestyle for everyone, but in terms of sexual part of the male human animal, it provides a way to satisfy desires that are difficult if not impossible to satisfy otherwise.

Groucho had it right, if you ask me.

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  1. Great article, Nicely written. Keep up the great posts!

  2. Kudos Thomas for your committed reporting of a scene I don't get to visit often. I learn from you and all the usual suspects who are as generous with their experiences on the various blogs. Thank you all.

    Guys, all is not lost in the later decades. I have been taking testosterone injections weekly for 18 months and my energy, sense of well-being and HORNIENESS have all improved substantially. In Europe, it's not uncommon for mainstream doctors to prescribe testosterone supplementation for men in andropause (yup, it's our version of menopause). In the states it's much less common. My cardiologist happened to be an early adopter. He spent a year in Europe mid-career to become well-versed in diagnosing, prescribing and managing andropause. If you are interested be sure to find a competent MD. BTW my health insurance covers it all. Cheers!

  3. P.s: A testosterone experience of the wrong kind… Despite being a very security-conscious traveller, I dozed on the public bus from Sixaola to Limon CR a year ago. A mistake everyone knows not to do – but sometimes a body is just to pooped from poppin! A skinny kid took a seat next to me. Between dozes, he managed to open a shoulder bag on my lap with both my arms around it. He got off along the way. When I got off at Limon I noticed a zipper half open. Sure enough my shaving-kit sized med bag was gone on day seven of a month long trip ! Serious problem ! I had to run around CIMA to get prescriptions written and filled. Well, I hope the bastard died of priapism from testosterone over-dose. Morale: take caffeine tablets before a local bus ride!

  4. it is a control, you want american, woman to control, your sex life? or do you stand up. and say no?you can take your wants in your own hands,,so to america..or get what you want,in better place..i fly to c.r 10 times a year..i stay at the del rey..all of the girls , need money..i need they get off? i dont care..i do…i am nice guy..when i show up next week , 3 or 4 will run up to me at the moment i walk in..because i am easy horse..but i hang back..and wait for what i want…the girls that are cool,,i see again…the ones that are ,…if you think girls want you ,,,for you…that is ego..we are all the same…get on with it…..jerry