Fools in Love: Single?

‘S’ number three is ‘single,’ which would seem to be pretty straightforward. At least you’d think so. There are a couple of different ways to look at this.

Probably the most serious violation of the ‘single’ rule would be if she is cohabiting with some man (or woman even, it happens more often than you’d imagine). If she happens to be legally married to him (can’t marry a ‘her’ in CR) so much the worse. If they have kids together, worse yet. But really, how bad do you need?

It’s pretty obvious that if she’s living with somebody, some portion of the money you send her way will end up in the hands (or nose, whatever) of her real lover. And make no mistake about it, the one who lives with her is the real deal, no matter what manner of pond scum that person may be. You are just an ATM machine. She may be quite fond of her ATM machine, but when push comes to shove, you’ll get the push and shove.

One level down from there is the non-live-in lover. I have a girl I know who loves to come over and visit me who is being supported by a local guy who works all day. She likes to play around and make a little money on the side so she calls me once in a while. This is a pretty rare case though, where the girl actually tells you she’s got a boyfriend. Most girls will hide that fact the best they can for fear of losing their belovered ATM machine.

Obviously you can’t depend on her word for what’s going on. If you are really suspicious then you can try to wheedle an invitation to visit her at her home, then make a surprise visit (or 2) at a later date and see who is there. This may not work so well though, as most houses in Costa Rica have assorted siblings, cousins and neighbors hanging out. It’s hard to tell just who is who, and if you had a scorecard it would still be printed in Spanish. You could check the bedroom (doubtful she has one to herself) for signs of maleness… But it’s quite possible you could see nothing and she was still living with Tito or Juan or some other groper.

There’s one last way your latest sweetie may not be single, and that’s in her mind/emotions/heart. Let’s suspend disbelief for a few minutes and assume that she’s not living with anyone, not married, and there’s no guy who thinks of her as his girlfriend. All that is irrelevant if she’s still got a big torch burning for some guy in her past. The guy doesn’t even have to be alive, though usually he is. She’s still in love with somebody and he’s in front of you in the love line, even if she says she’s yours. I had this happen to me back in the U S of A back when I was in my 30s. I found a girl I really got along well with. She was cute, funny and even pretty responsible. Unfortunately, I wasn’t paying enough attention when she talked about her recently ex-boyfriend. We were together maybe a month when his ‘magnetism’ drew her back and she was out of my life.

How can you tell if any of the above situations are true? It ain’t easy is all I can say. But before you dive into that delicious pond of love, you’d better be sure there are no boulders hiding where single should be.

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