The Long Distance Girlfriend Trap

The ‘Long Distance Love’ Trap

Here is the prime directive, applies to monogamous and promiscuous alike: A long distance romance is a VERY BAD IDEA. Not just a bad idea, a VERY bad idea. If you actually want a REAL relationship, you need to actually be in the same locale.
I have talked to WAY too many guys who think they are going to find some 20 year old hottie off some website or in some bar here, bring her back to Corpus Christi or wherever and make all their friends jealous. If that’s your plan, you are in for a rude awakening. Getting your ‘sweetie’ a visa is the first hurdle. Forget about the tourist visa. Unless she is well above average in net worth, the US immigration service won’t issue her a visa because they fear she won’t return to where she came from. She will have to prove very substantial ties here, like home ownership, a good job, a savings account and all kinds of crap that the average girl down here can only dream of.

If she has all that, what does she need with a guy from the USA? Contrary to popular belief, most girls in Costa Rica don’t want to live in the United States. There are plenty that might like to come up and work, make good money and come back home, but to actually LIVE there? Not appealing. I know a few guys who went through the hassle of getting the K-1 (fiancee) visa, brought their ‘novia’ to the USA, got married, and six months later she split back home to Costa Rica. Why? Any number of reasons, but a common one is simply that suburban life all alone in a foreign country is more like being in prison than being in paradise.

There are MAJOR cultural differences between the average North American man and the average Latin America woman. We may think we admire their ‘family values’ but when you find out you are expected to pay for grandma’s new dentures, birthday cakes for every one of the 20 nephews and nieces she has, the new roof over for her sister’s house, and on and on, that particular facet of family values becomes a major source of conflict. Put your princesa in a beautiful McMansion all alone and she isn’t going to be happy no matter how nicely you decorate it and how many pairs of shoes you let her buy.

If you are foolish enough to try to keep some sort of relationship going long distance, don’t be surprised if you receive constant RFMs (requests for money). The money requests won’t stop just because you are in Costa Rica, but you can at least verify that they are legit, not just taking you for all they can.

That brings us to another downside of the long distance thing: trust and jealousy. If you are the least bit jealous, you will suffer mightily wondering who your ‘novia’ is boinking while you are slaving away at your job in the USA. Whether or not she’s actually faithful is almost irrelevant, from what I’ve seen. Some guys go into denial even when they hear from a reliable source that their ‘novia’ is out playing around. Other guys have a totally faithful girlfriend but still can’t believe it, and worry themselves to death with suspicion. Either way, you are in for a bad time.

It’s tempting to want to latch on to a girl that is several cuts above what you are used to back home, but if you give in to that temptation you are setting yourself up for a major headaches and heartaches. Much better to have fun when you are here and keep your daydreaming erotic and don’t let it wander into the ‘romantic’ zone. You’ll be better, off. WAY better off.

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  1. How EXCELLENTLY written, and EXCELLENT advice. This is some of that Know Before You Go.

  2. I agree, these men should be labeled serial victims, because they keep going back for more.

  3. jeromepeters says:

    do you want to fall in love… with no heart break..? fall in love with your self..not ego.. just respect..we gave the power to woman… 30 years ago..a man now, to a woman .. is … what can i get…thats just what we have to work with..i am on big dateing web site in u.s..whats the first thing these girls say?i dont play game… he he he !!! they are all about game…its time to man up.. and just say no…..your happy …comes from you….

  4. Michael de Colorado says:

    When I first visited CR my mind set was to find a girlfriend. After meeting a few ladies I picked one to try and get with. I became Captain Save a Ho. Not a week went by that this lady wasnt calling with a need for my money and a problem that only money could fix. I told my brother that I sent a lady in CR $50. He told me that she probally had 50 guys sending $50. Moral of the story.. If you go to CR to have fun do just that and only that. Forget about a girlfriend it just aint happening. If you want to help someone thats okay but never think you can turn a ho into a housewife.

  5. It's almost impossible to find a nice housewife "hooking up" with tourists at a …er, gentle's bar. Period. Try a new stragedy all of you! Long distance relationships have known to happen if things are very clear and if you overcome a number of obstacles, not for everyone of course. Cliché: communication. Flaw: cultural/job/language barriers.

  6. Already had 2 RFM's from chicas from my last trip. I just ignore them when I call/write back and they are still talking/writing me. So my advice is don't send money but don't end the relationship just because she asked

  7. R wilde says:

    It is possible to have a relationship long distance, however you better have deep deep pockets, and you better be able to understand there are inherent issues in any relationship you have, you better be able to take things in stride. You want a beautiful girl as your girlfriend when you are 46 and she is 23 then you better prepare for some challenges. The sex is great.

  8. Found a beautiful woman in CR inside and out (originally from DR), works hard – legitimately, studies English, asks for nothing, wants to come to U.S, has $$ in bank, has a younger child there, and still denied visa to visit me. I'm going through divorce so fiancee visa is not option. She is a keeper, but do not know how to get her here. There are exceptions to the gold-diggers but mindless bureaucracy impedes a happy ending.